The Communion of Forgiveness

My sister and I often discussed the different relationship we had with our parents. When I was 15 and my parents divorced, the last conversation I had with my dad was the day he left. He’d never allowed me to use the lawnmower so he took me to the garage, showed me how to start the mower and he left. We rarely had contact over the years before his death when I was 22.

In one of our recent conversations, my sister assured me, “Of course Dad loved you. He wrote you letters.” I was floored. What letters? I never got any letters.

She said he sent letters but they were returned. After my father’s death, a bundle of letters was found and given to my sister. Naturally, I asked her, “Where are they?”

She simply replied, “I burned them.” I couldn’t believe it. My oldest sister and I continue to have a strong relationship. I didn’t want to confront her, but I did ask, “Why would you burn those letters?”

“I don’t know,” she told me. “I thought it was the right thing to do at the time.”

My sister explained that my mom had written “undeliverable” on the letters and she didn’t want Mom’s bitterness toward dad to continue to define my relationship with him. She apologized for her decision to destroy the letters written to me.

For the next several months, I was involved in a forgiveness process to understand my own anger and loss at having been so close to hearing from dad and that opportunity was lost due to my sister’s actions.

What I discovered was that forgiveness is really about me letting go of my anger and betrayal and not having to carry those weights with me. After many months of intentional forgiveness work, I came to some sense of peace that at least Dad had tried. I came to realize how I was always the one in my family that was protected. I am the youngest, the smallest and I tend to act that way. I not only forgave my sister but I forgave myself for holding on to a sense of powerlessness.

The forgiveness process was about learning about myself and deepening my relationship with God. What happened would never be good. My relationship with my sister is stronger. I learned that I have to forgive in order to love and love in order to forgive.

Perhaps the best way to comprehend the depth of what Jesus taught in our Gospel reading, is from the lives of those who struggled with it first hand, like the story we read of Joseph and his brothers.

Joseph was a braggadocious teen who was his father’s favourite son. His brothers hated him, so much so that they threw him into a deep pit and then sold him to the highest bidder in hopes he would never be seen or heard from again. They expected their relationship with their father would improve without their pesky brother around.

We are tempted to believe that we can distance ourselves from the person who wronged us or doesn’t do what we expect but as long as a fractured relationship is left to simmer in our mind and in our heart, it has a way of continuing to cause disruption in our relationship with God and others.

Joseph’s brothers had no idea that Joseph had landed on his feet after surviving his brother’s hatred and now had a position of authority in the Egyptian government. So, who should show up but his brothers. They faced certain death because of the famine and came to appeal to the government official who just happened to be the very brother they had wronged so long ago.

While his brothers didn’t recognize Joseph, he recognized them immediately. The first verses we read explain that he became very emotional and asked all officials to leave the room. That’s when he makes himself known to his brothers and he asks if his father is still alive.

And then in verse 5, Joseph tells his brothers, “And now do not be distressed, or angry with yourselves, because you sold me here; for God sent me before you to preserve life.”

It was not God’s desire for Joseph’s brothers to do away with him. Joseph, the one wronged, said to his brothers, “do not be angry with yourselves.” Joseph is able to see beyond what happened and to forgive them. Only then, can their relationship with God, with themselves,and between brothers be restored.

To be clear, forgiveness doesn’t mean that we condone the hurtful things people have done. Forgiveness may not mean we reconcile with the person that hurt us. That’s when we get into the part where we work on ourselves, learning to trust God and one another.

Joseph and his brothers lived long before Jesus would actually say, “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you… Forgive, and you will be forgiven.”

All of Jesus’ instructions challenge our love and give us an opportunity to forgive. We interpret “turn the other cheek" to mean, “hit me or hurt me again;” could we instead offer a forgiving and loving response which is the only thing we can control? Our love is imperfect. Love moves us toward people who do things that we consider the opposite of love. I forgive you for saying the wrong things. I forgive you for leaving me out. I forgive you for not living up to my expectations.

How do we at St. Andrew’s live out the love that this table brings us to?

How do we forgive skirmishes, disagreements, misunderstandings, miscommunications over the last many years that haven’t been resolved? We don’t see one another as “enemies” but perhaps we test the ground people walk on.

We can pretend we have forgotten past situations that have made us cautious around one another and have made us mistrust one another. We may not trust our communication or lack of communication. We wonder if we really know what is going on. Perhaps, someone is not telling me what I need to know. Where does that come from?

This table that we come to today, offers a communion of forgiveness. This table reminds us we cannot love unless we forgive and we cannot forgive unless we love. Joseph shows us a path that can give life-giving possibility to Jesus’ words.

You have been forgiven. You have been forgiven. You have been forgiven. How are we willing not only to receive that forgiveness but to live out that forgiveness in this place?